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“If you choose to (continue that behavior), you choose to (receive whatever consequence has already been established as a punishment)”.You might say, “Erin, if you choose to poke your sister again, you choose to not watch TV for the rest of the day”.Encouragement, and this phrase is arguably the most commonly spoken praise children hear. Instead of cutting off the conversation, you can say, “I know you want my answer to be different, but it will not change”.You can also train yourself to make sure the child fully understands your response, with “I just told you my answer. ” This allows the child to present their opinion or get clarification.Train yourself to acknowledge their behavior without a judgment, such as “You chose to sit the other way on the chair” or “You colored the grass purple instead”.This gives them the freedom to be creative and discover things without expectations.Choose whether the other person really needs to know about the issue, and if yes, let the child decide who will tell them.

Kids hear the word “no” far too frequently (Read more about that here).

This clearly communicates the expectation and the consequence, without a threat.

Parents tend to want control all of the time, and it takes work to allow kids to have freedom to do what they choose.

By the time a child has gotten in trouble for something, they already feel guilty, sorry and embarrassed about it.

Threatening to tell someone else rubs salt in the wound.

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